what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
