Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
