so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
