i permit you to call me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
