I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
