Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
