So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
