Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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