Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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