Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
