sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
