I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
