i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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