when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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