Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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