I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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