She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So here I am, sexting at work.
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