I'm gonna have a badass scar
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Houston, we have a blender
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
