Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
