What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
