I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
