Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
