How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
