eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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