2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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