At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
