I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
