theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
