There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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