It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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