Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
