and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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