She's JV to your varsity
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need to calm my uterus...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
