Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
