And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
