the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
