jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my being single is dangerous.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
