I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
