i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
