Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
