We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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