you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
