u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
