Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize