You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
