I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize