There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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