Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
