If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
