Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
