you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
