I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
time to smoke my breakfast
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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