I molested 6 butterflies tonight
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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