How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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