what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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