i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
