Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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