I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
