My Higher Power is John Stamos
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
wow bdsm is so cute
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