I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
