Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
