I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
