I just threw up on my dentist
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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