A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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