halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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