there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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