3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
