Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
