god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
