I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
