I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
