i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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