I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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