Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
