just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
no you cant smoke seaweed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
