i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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