I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize