May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
