Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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