I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
