either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize