i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
