do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
