yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
