So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize