jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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