sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize