I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
