You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
