To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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