If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the liver wants what the liver wants
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
