Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize