Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
