We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
