Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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