I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
