His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
