I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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