Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
