i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
