Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
