The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
