I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
