I didn't shave. On purpose
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
