I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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