i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
