The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
