the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
