Farmville is her only friend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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