i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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