Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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