But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
