No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
