i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
