When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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