the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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