i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
